I’m once again reminded that the internet – the great bastion of freedom – is not so free. I’m typing behind the Great Firewall at the moment with a connection that can barely go above 40kB/s. I remember once being amazed at those speeds about twenty years ago.
Things really aren’t so bad here, but I wonder if I’m in for some oppression – if I’ll soon have to face a Kangaroo court and explain myself and my transgressions.
I still wonder from time to time if I’ve made myself too amenable, too accommodating or eager to please – I suppose in short: if I’ve made myself too spineless and meek. It is a concern of mine.
I’m often unsure of the best stance, or how to approach an inquisition. Whether to stand opposite to one’s accusers with defiance, whether to repent and admit one’s wrongdoings. I said before my move was that of someone denied power, trying to acquire a little more breathing room.
It’s something of a tired topic and I hope I can look on this with a little tenderness in the future, and forgive myself for dwelling on these matters… for turning away from what might otherwise be nourishing… but in truth I suppose I am a little nervous.
A day without internet. How one’s day is altered.
I don’t have much else to say, and unfortunately I am somewhat consumed by this dilemma… I’ll write again soon.