Meanderings

Thoughts 2018.02.20

I know I don’t really enjoy this, but I continue on.  Out of some quite desperation – I’m not exactly sure. I’ve said it before – things aren’t exactly bad, but I do think of my life slipping away from me. I don’t why I always come here to write such melancholy things – I…

Read More

Whereto, Whither?

I know this isn’t a good place for me, and I think once again about leaving.  I think of breaking a contract and starting somewhere else.  It’s a lack of options I suppose that keeps me here, and the feeling that in some way, I might be on track to a life that is more…

Read More

A Few Words Quietly Typed Out

A few words quietly typed out – I struggle to find my place, find clarity. I wonder where I am sometimes. It’s strange to steal away these few moments, furtively typing on this machine for no one. Isolation is at times tremendous, and all the more curious, I’m sometimes left unaffected by this. The strangest…

Read More

A Whore’s Life

Giving oneself over to something less than ideal.  Through a thousand little pinpricks, a thousand tiny humiliations and thousand compromises, I’ve landed myself here.  The work is enervating and would soon leave me soulless.  A lack of reflection, a lack depth and subtly.  Appearance is more important than reality it often seems.  China is the…

Read More

Another Post

I know, I know, another post – it’s hard to believe.  Not many people are reading these anyways, and that’s probably the understatement of the day.  But I feel the urge to write at any rate, maybe to ease my mind – and so here I am.  I’m not exactly consumed by anything at the…

Read More

I’ve Had an Argument

An argument might be too much, I suppose it was more of a dispute, and maybe then, not even that.  It was the worst kind of confrontation or disagreement – one over the internet, and against a mod of all people.  I knew I could be silenced and my post deleted if I pressed him…

Read More

I Need to Write Something

I need to write something.  I’m going stir crazy setting up this website, going through the troubleshooting, and making all kinds of minor adjustments before I throw it all out again.  So I need to write a quick word, as a balm, as a salve, or simply to calm myself. I think of writing a…

Read More

Push Deeper into the Night

Push deeper into the night.  I’d like to lose myself in some delirium.  This website becomes the boneyard for misbegotten, half-baked thoughts and tiny discourses which maybe… just maybe… should never have been uttered in the first place.  I continue to type because I feel I’ve lost myself somewhat already.  I’m happy to write –…

Read More

To Make the Site a Constant Project

To make the site a constant project.  To not abandon the idea that this site will have as its mission the goal of self exploration in front of, or before a public eye.  To continue to search – as the domain name enjoins – for an honest word.  And so here lies the project.  How…

Read More

My Imagined Audience

There’s perhaps something comical, in spending so much time writing about my imagined audience at a time when this site isn’t yet properly indexed or searchable through any major search engine. Yet you are present to me, I must say.  I see you and I feel your eyes.  Even now I can hear your laughter.…

Read More