A Little Summary, and a Little Lackluster

June 15, 2018

We’ll, I’ve reached the end of one year. Packing up, I thought to myself that working life was a rather poor bargain… that after one year, I didn’t really have a great deal to show for it.  I wondered whether I improved myself in any significant or substantive way… and I couldn’t really say that…

Anxious

June 4, 2018

I’ve spent a fair bit of time deliberating on whether I should go to some social event.  It’s interesting how I phrase it really… as “whether I should go”.  Of course, I suppose I really should… it does almost seem obligatory.  And of course… if I then entertain the question – which barely needs to…

A Clearing?

June 4, 2018

I can’t even tell if I’m at impasse anymore – I only feel a little nervous tension in my gut. I think of what I must prepare for… whether I must prepare for it… and in the back of my mind I have to admit, I do think about fleeing the whole situation.  Once again,…

A Little Forlorn

May 30, 2018

I’m in something of a sour mood.  I’m writing from my desk, my “work desk” I suppose… and although I so often feel that there can be no true words written here… or that the words that I do write fall lifeless to the ground… I still feel like writing. I don’t exactly know what…

An Impasse

May 26, 2018

I don’t know I’ve reached something of an impasse.  I don’t if I’ll quietly come to an impasse, find myself conflicted, and out of inertia or indolence, find myself going down the past of least resistance.  I don’t mean to feel sorry for myself, althoughit often sounds like I am constantly moping when writing here.…

Marionnette

May 3, 2018

I know I’m terribly abused here.  Every time I leave, I realize how badly I needed to get away.  Not long after leaving the grounds I come to my senses, and begin to see with a little more clarity.  I wake up to my rights in some way and realize what I’ve missed.  I question…

A Day Without Internet

April 21, 2018

I’m once again reminded that the internet – the great bastion of freedom – is not so free.  I’m typing behind the Great Firewall at the moment with a connection that can barely go above 40kB/s.  I remember once being amazed at those speeds about twenty years ago. Things really aren’t so bad here, but…

A Little Desultory

April 18, 2018

It’s been quite a while.  I don’t know why it’s taken so long to write, especially since I rather liked what I’d written before… I’ve thought of a few things in the intervening time.  Poignantly, I thought to myself, after laughing lightheartedly and enjoying a rather tender moment, that even in these tender moments I…

A Few Scattered Thoughts

April 6, 2018

It’s a little late at night – not too late, but… relatively late. There’s noise in the next room over.  I wonder whether it’s tied to the events of the day and my mind turns a little.  I think, perhaps it is, but, I shouldn’t be concerned with these things. I thought today that I…

A Little Limp

April 6, 2018

I thought earlier of sharing this website with one close to me, but I’ve since pulled back – at least for now. I was contacted earlier by a close friend, and my response was rather cheerful.  The friend enquired how I was, and I communicated how things were “on the up and up” and that…

Vespers

March 31, 2018

I feel a little lonely at the moment.  It’s strange being so far away from those that are closest to me, that provide me with a sense of self and some stability.  I see and remember myself and who I am partly through their eyes, and their expectations of me, which has I suppose been…

Reminiscing

March 25, 2018

I should get down do it. Really, there isn’t too much pressing at the moment, but there is a fair bit of work looming on the horizon.  I’ll get it done in good time, although I may drag my ass I suppose.  I’m tired of giving over so much of myself, and I know… or…

A Rather Aimless Post

March 24, 2018

I wonder if I’m allowed to say such things… [In response to previous title] I thought earlier about sharing my website with a few close friends, but I wonder how that might alter the trajectory of this project.  To be free, or to simply say outrageous things… that’s not entirely the goal. By the way,…

Cuntsplash, or A Letter to My Future Employer

March 22, 2018

Manic – I’m a little… yes… fucking manic.  I can’t say who I am, and I wonder how that question even enters or becomes liminal. There are still things I can’t say here, which is a G-ddamned shame.  It’s a little poignant as well, and maybe something of a social comment.  I’m prevented from saying…

Searchin’

March 18, 2018

It’s about time that I get down to it… and begin to productive… set myself up for the week and ease a transition to those sweet two days of relative freedom. I need to calm myself somewhat.  I’ve always been troubled, and when thinking about that fact today early on, it helped to ease my…

A Little Summary, and a Little Lackluster

June 15, 2018

Anxious

June 4, 2018

A Clearing?

June 4, 2018

A Little Forlorn

May 30, 2018

An Impasse

May 26, 2018

Marionnette

May 3, 2018

A Day Without Internet

April 21, 2018

A Little Desultory

April 18, 2018

A Few Scattered Thoughts

April 6, 2018

A Little Limp

April 6, 2018

Vespers

March 31, 2018

Reminiscing

March 25, 2018

A Rather Aimless Post

March 24, 2018

Cuntsplash, or A Letter to My Future Employer

March 22, 2018

Searchin’

March 18, 2018

Typing out a few words honestly, without pretension, for a woman I don’t yet know.

By Anaxagoras | February 23, 2018

The day draws near, when I’ll be back in the grind.  I hesitate to even come to write here, knowing that I should perhaps start to prepare myself, mentally, for the task ahead.  A little undercurrent of agitation, well, I suppose that can’t be too bad – it will perhaps keep me somewhat honest.  Otherwise…

Cave Dweller

By Anaxagoras | February 20, 2018

Another early morning post. What thoughts are coursing through my head, stirring around?  I usually try to keep things steady in the morning, and clam.  Keep my mind like a mirror, like the reflective surface of water when its undisturbed. To be literary was always somewhat painful.  To write with intention I found painful.  Contorting…

Thoughts 2018.02.20

By Anaxagoras | February 19, 2018

I know I don’t really enjoy this, but I continue on.  Out of some quite desperation – I’m not exactly sure. I’ve said it before – things aren’t exactly bad, but I do think of my life slipping away from me. I don’t why I always come here to write such melancholy things – I…

A Little Listless

By Anaxagoras | February 18, 2018

I enjoy my freedom, but I rarely know how to use my time.  If I could, I suppose I’d like to indulge and give myself over to all sorts of libidinal excess.  Narcotization isn’t so much a numbing or a stupefying, as the etymological origins of the word might suggest.  Rather, it’s a release and…

Gargantua

By Anaxagoras | February 17, 2018

The hosting company that I used has it stipulated that they have the right to terminate the contract if it is found that the site contains written word of a sexual nature. I wanted to see if I could say the word “cunt” here, or if I could quote a passage form Henry Miller or…

Whereto, Whither?

By Anaxagoras | February 15, 2018

I know this isn’t a good place for me, and I think once again about leaving.  I think of breaking a contract and starting somewhere else.  It’s a lack of options I suppose that keeps me here, and the feeling that in some way, I might be on track to a life that is more…

A Few Moments of Indecision

By Anaxagoras | February 10, 2018

I thought yesterday that I’ve perhaps traded deep melancholy for toil – for the drudgery of a day-to-day.  I thought to myself that if I now suffer less, it’s may not be because my life is comparably better, but rather, that I’ve found a way to turn or orient myself to future… some distant date…

A Few Words Quietly Typed Out

By Anaxagoras | December 18, 2017

A few words quietly typed out – I struggle to find my place, find clarity. I wonder where I am sometimes. It’s strange to steal away these few moments, furtively typing on this machine for no one. Isolation is at times tremendous, and all the more curious, I’m sometimes left unaffected by this. The strangest…

A Whore’s Life

By Anaxagoras | December 16, 2017

Giving oneself over to something less than ideal.  Through a thousand little pinpricks, a thousand tiny humiliations and thousand compromises, I’ve landed myself here.  The work is enervating and would soon leave me soulless.  A lack of reflection, a lack depth and subtly.  Appearance is more important than reality it often seems.  China is the…

Untitled 2017.06.29

By Anaxagoras | June 29, 2017

I used to write out of an inner need, out of compulsion. Now I hesitate to write, because I feel there are some things that I should keep silent – some things I don’t want to unearth. It’s the straight and narrow, single-mindedness. I feel the last few years of my life have been in some…