A Little Summary, and a Little Lackluster

June 15, 2018

We’ll, I’ve reached the end of one year. Packing up, I thought to myself that working life was a rather poor bargain… that after one year, I didn’t really have a great deal to show for it.  I wondered whether I improved myself in any significant or substantive way… and I couldn’t really say that…

Anxious

June 4, 2018

I’ve spent a fair bit of time deliberating on whether I should go to some social event.  It’s interesting how I phrase it really… as “whether I should go”.  Of course, I suppose I really should… it does almost seem obligatory.  And of course… if I then entertain the question – which barely needs to…

A Clearing?

June 4, 2018

I can’t even tell if I’m at impasse anymore – I only feel a little nervous tension in my gut. I think of what I must prepare for… whether I must prepare for it… and in the back of my mind I have to admit, I do think about fleeing the whole situation.  Once again,…

A Little Forlorn

May 30, 2018

I’m in something of a sour mood.  I’m writing from my desk, my “work desk” I suppose… and although I so often feel that there can be no true words written here… or that the words that I do write fall lifeless to the ground… I still feel like writing. I don’t exactly know what…

An Impasse

May 26, 2018

I don’t know I’ve reached something of an impasse.  I don’t if I’ll quietly come to an impasse, find myself conflicted, and out of inertia or indolence, find myself going down the past of least resistance.  I don’t mean to feel sorry for myself, althoughit often sounds like I am constantly moping when writing here.…

Marionnette

May 3, 2018

I know I’m terribly abused here.  Every time I leave, I realize how badly I needed to get away.  Not long after leaving the grounds I come to my senses, and begin to see with a little more clarity.  I wake up to my rights in some way and realize what I’ve missed.  I question…

A Day Without Internet

April 21, 2018

I’m once again reminded that the internet – the great bastion of freedom – is not so free.  I’m typing behind the Great Firewall at the moment with a connection that can barely go above 40kB/s.  I remember once being amazed at those speeds about twenty years ago. Things really aren’t so bad here, but…

A Little Desultory

April 18, 2018

It’s been quite a while.  I don’t know why it’s taken so long to write, especially since I rather liked what I’d written before… I’ve thought of a few things in the intervening time.  Poignantly, I thought to myself, after laughing lightheartedly and enjoying a rather tender moment, that even in these tender moments I…

A Few Scattered Thoughts

April 6, 2018

It’s a little late at night – not too late, but… relatively late. There’s noise in the next room over.  I wonder whether it’s tied to the events of the day and my mind turns a little.  I think, perhaps it is, but, I shouldn’t be concerned with these things. I thought today that I…

A Little Limp

April 6, 2018

I thought earlier of sharing this website with one close to me, but I’ve since pulled back – at least for now. I was contacted earlier by a close friend, and my response was rather cheerful.  The friend enquired how I was, and I communicated how things were “on the up and up” and that…

Vespers

March 31, 2018

I feel a little lonely at the moment.  It’s strange being so far away from those that are closest to me, that provide me with a sense of self and some stability.  I see and remember myself and who I am partly through their eyes, and their expectations of me, which has I suppose been…

Reminiscing

March 25, 2018

I should get down do it. Really, there isn’t too much pressing at the moment, but there is a fair bit of work looming on the horizon.  I’ll get it done in good time, although I may drag my ass I suppose.  I’m tired of giving over so much of myself, and I know… or…

A Rather Aimless Post

March 24, 2018

I wonder if I’m allowed to say such things… [In response to previous title] I thought earlier about sharing my website with a few close friends, but I wonder how that might alter the trajectory of this project.  To be free, or to simply say outrageous things… that’s not entirely the goal. By the way,…

Cuntsplash, or A Letter to My Future Employer

March 22, 2018

Manic – I’m a little… yes… fucking manic.  I can’t say who I am, and I wonder how that question even enters or becomes liminal. There are still things I can’t say here, which is a G-ddamned shame.  It’s a little poignant as well, and maybe something of a social comment.  I’m prevented from saying…

Searchin’

March 18, 2018

It’s about time that I get down to it… and begin to productive… set myself up for the week and ease a transition to those sweet two days of relative freedom. I need to calm myself somewhat.  I’ve always been troubled, and when thinking about that fact today early on, it helped to ease my…

A Little Summary, and a Little Lackluster

June 15, 2018

Anxious

June 4, 2018

A Clearing?

June 4, 2018

A Little Forlorn

May 30, 2018

An Impasse

May 26, 2018

Marionnette

May 3, 2018

A Day Without Internet

April 21, 2018

A Little Desultory

April 18, 2018

A Few Scattered Thoughts

April 6, 2018

A Little Limp

April 6, 2018

Vespers

March 31, 2018

Reminiscing

March 25, 2018

A Rather Aimless Post

March 24, 2018

Cuntsplash, or A Letter to My Future Employer

March 22, 2018

Searchin’

March 18, 2018

Flutterings

By Anaxagoras | June 28, 2017

A decision stands before me… my mind is scattered. I used to call myself a writer.  I think of the highest values in my life, and I think of the most exalted profession – to me – and I know it’s writing… I think of all that cannot be said in online forum like this,…

I… am…

By Anaxagoras | June 22, 2017

I think about what it means to live fully – I think about a full range of human experience, and then in the next moment, about my life potentially passing me by.  I think of the plans that I make, and I wonder what the end goal might be.  I’m at times oh so pragmatic, and every…

An Afternoon Amble

By Anaxagoras | June 7, 2017

I’ve calmed myself somewhat.  It’s amazing how much of the day it seems I spend just trying to pass time.  I wonder what I dedicate myself to, and I wonder whether it’s tragic to not have any guiding light or inscrutable truth to which I could fix myself to.  I worry as well that I’ve…

Morning Thought 2017.06.07

By Anaxagoras | June 7, 2017

Another day dear friends.  I’m feeling a little unsure of myself, but not for the regular reasons. I went to be last night after reading a few of previous posts.  I was almost overjoyed after reading them, even though I hadn’t put much stock into writing them. My mind is a little agitated at the…

Another Thought 2017.06.06

By Anaxagoras | June 6, 2017

I’m somewhat at a loss. I know, I know, the same old tale.  It’s amazing, that with seemingly limitless opportunities I should be stuck here, but… here I am.  I don’t even know who I write to anymore, and I begin to feel as if this forum is just a sequence of quite lamentations into…

Untitled Thought 2017.06.06

By Anaxagoras | June 6, 2017

I entertain the prospect that I might not find employment before the beginning of the coming job cycle.  I recognize that I haven’t exactly applied myself to my applications, and have even got cold feet after sending in applications.  I wonder where I am and look for more definite meaning.  I am sometimes filled with anxiety,…

A Morning Note

By Anaxagoras | June 6, 2017

I woke up today and meditated early on.  I still stand on the outside as it were – the outside of myself looking in.  I feel I can still wonder with some justification: who or what is driving my actions, my desires.  As the timer rang and I broke out of my meditation session, I…

Provisional Stance and/or a Searching Out

By Anaxagoras | June 5, 2017

It isn’t vitality that you call from within – but rather a deep love and appreciation for the gift of life and a recognition of one’s own individuality. I’d like to track tomorrow and provide an account of myself to let you know how things are going, and what I’m doing to effect a change…

A Better Self

By Anaxagoras | June 5, 2017

I think it’s important to cultivate aspects of yourself that are unique and genuine – aspects that are otherwise authentic to yourself.  Almost every individual I’d imagine has experienced moments of greatness, moments of flow, time when it seemed they held everything in grip. I’m looking to shake out of myself, shake out of some…

Back up the Mountain

By Anaxagoras | June 5, 2017

I come to you, almost out of impatience. I again struggle to find myself. I await for energy to return, a feeling of vitality that I’ve momentarily had drained. I wonder what it would be to open my eyes and look outward with a clear-sightedness unrivalled. Enervating thoughts that might otherwise weaken me would not…