A Little Summary, and a Little Lackluster

June 15, 2018

We’ll, I’ve reached the end of one year. Packing up, I thought to myself that working life was a rather poor bargain… that after one year, I didn’t really have a great deal to show for it.  I wondered whether I improved myself in any significant or substantive way… and I couldn’t really say that…

Anxious

June 4, 2018

I’ve spent a fair bit of time deliberating on whether I should go to some social event.  It’s interesting how I phrase it really… as “whether I should go”.  Of course, I suppose I really should… it does almost seem obligatory.  And of course… if I then entertain the question – which barely needs to…

A Clearing?

June 4, 2018

I can’t even tell if I’m at impasse anymore – I only feel a little nervous tension in my gut. I think of what I must prepare for… whether I must prepare for it… and in the back of my mind I have to admit, I do think about fleeing the whole situation.  Once again,…

A Little Forlorn

May 30, 2018

I’m in something of a sour mood.  I’m writing from my desk, my “work desk” I suppose… and although I so often feel that there can be no true words written here… or that the words that I do write fall lifeless to the ground… I still feel like writing. I don’t exactly know what…

An Impasse

May 26, 2018

I don’t know I’ve reached something of an impasse.  I don’t if I’ll quietly come to an impasse, find myself conflicted, and out of inertia or indolence, find myself going down the past of least resistance.  I don’t mean to feel sorry for myself, althoughit often sounds like I am constantly moping when writing here.…

Marionnette

May 3, 2018

I know I’m terribly abused here.  Every time I leave, I realize how badly I needed to get away.  Not long after leaving the grounds I come to my senses, and begin to see with a little more clarity.  I wake up to my rights in some way and realize what I’ve missed.  I question…

A Day Without Internet

April 21, 2018

I’m once again reminded that the internet – the great bastion of freedom – is not so free.  I’m typing behind the Great Firewall at the moment with a connection that can barely go above 40kB/s.  I remember once being amazed at those speeds about twenty years ago. Things really aren’t so bad here, but…

A Little Desultory

April 18, 2018

It’s been quite a while.  I don’t know why it’s taken so long to write, especially since I rather liked what I’d written before… I’ve thought of a few things in the intervening time.  Poignantly, I thought to myself, after laughing lightheartedly and enjoying a rather tender moment, that even in these tender moments I…

A Few Scattered Thoughts

April 6, 2018

It’s a little late at night – not too late, but… relatively late. There’s noise in the next room over.  I wonder whether it’s tied to the events of the day and my mind turns a little.  I think, perhaps it is, but, I shouldn’t be concerned with these things. I thought today that I…

A Little Limp

April 6, 2018

I thought earlier of sharing this website with one close to me, but I’ve since pulled back – at least for now. I was contacted earlier by a close friend, and my response was rather cheerful.  The friend enquired how I was, and I communicated how things were “on the up and up” and that…

Vespers

March 31, 2018

I feel a little lonely at the moment.  It’s strange being so far away from those that are closest to me, that provide me with a sense of self and some stability.  I see and remember myself and who I am partly through their eyes, and their expectations of me, which has I suppose been…

Reminiscing

March 25, 2018

I should get down do it. Really, there isn’t too much pressing at the moment, but there is a fair bit of work looming on the horizon.  I’ll get it done in good time, although I may drag my ass I suppose.  I’m tired of giving over so much of myself, and I know… or…

A Rather Aimless Post

March 24, 2018

I wonder if I’m allowed to say such things… [In response to previous title] I thought earlier about sharing my website with a few close friends, but I wonder how that might alter the trajectory of this project.  To be free, or to simply say outrageous things… that’s not entirely the goal. By the way,…

Cuntsplash, or A Letter to My Future Employer

March 22, 2018

Manic – I’m a little… yes… fucking manic.  I can’t say who I am, and I wonder how that question even enters or becomes liminal. There are still things I can’t say here, which is a G-ddamned shame.  It’s a little poignant as well, and maybe something of a social comment.  I’m prevented from saying…

Searchin’

March 18, 2018

It’s about time that I get down to it… and begin to productive… set myself up for the week and ease a transition to those sweet two days of relative freedom. I need to calm myself somewhat.  I’ve always been troubled, and when thinking about that fact today early on, it helped to ease my…

A Little Summary, and a Little Lackluster

June 15, 2018

Anxious

June 4, 2018

A Clearing?

June 4, 2018

A Little Forlorn

May 30, 2018

An Impasse

May 26, 2018

Marionnette

May 3, 2018

A Day Without Internet

April 21, 2018

A Little Desultory

April 18, 2018

A Few Scattered Thoughts

April 6, 2018

A Little Limp

April 6, 2018

Vespers

March 31, 2018

Reminiscing

March 25, 2018

A Rather Aimless Post

March 24, 2018

Cuntsplash, or A Letter to My Future Employer

March 22, 2018

Searchin’

March 18, 2018

Crossroads Every Day

By Anaxagoras | June 5, 2017

I stand at another apparent crossroad – it seems I always do. I find myself growing a little reluctant and with the inclination to pull back. I’m uncertain. At the same time I feel there’s an opportunity in front of me and I wonder, looking into both the short term and long term which way…

Highs and Lows

By Anaxagoras | June 1, 2017

I’ve been all over the place recently – I can tell you that. It’s strange that it’s often when I’m feeling a little despondent that I come to write. I’ve experienced great joys recently, just yesterday actually, while setting out and looking for employment. I started receiving some responses, some calls for interviews, and then…

An Author’s Voice

By Anaxagoras | May 16, 2017

  I think of what to write – what I possibly could write, and what I think people might want to read.  I immediately think of the idea of “authorial voice”.  I think of what it might mean to write for a close friend, and how that might differ from my usual method of simply “spilling…

Another Day, Another…

By Anaxagoras | May 14, 2017

I grow more fond of the process, of being here and writing.  I’m still waiting for my first few visits, and I haven’t yet garnered an audience.  I don’t know if I’ll stop believing that I ever will. I woke up today completely despondent and deep in thought.  It really was wonderful, to be moved…

Untitled 2017.05.13

By Anaxagoras | May 13, 2017

I think of writing the book I know is in me – that I feel is in me.  I’m in a melancholy state, and I see myself as languishing, as in a sordid state of affairs.  The words don’t come easily and I feel I’m turning over familiar ground.  I wonder if it’s possible to…

Locked Away

By Anaxagoras | May 13, 2017

I feel I’m locked away and trapped up here – that my freedom is constrained and I’m limited in my movement.   I think how I might act differently otherwise, under different conditions, and wonder if I’m not being robbed somehow, or if time isn’t perhaps slipping away from me. I remember a question a…

The Day Wags On

By Anaxagoras | May 13, 2017

The day wags on – I’m left with little to do.  I wait for the night to fall, so that I might be released, if only partially, from my compulsion to work.  I’m waiting – in a state of purgatory. I can’t say that there is a decision brewing, but there is a decision that…

A General Malaise

By Anaxagoras | May 12, 2017

Seized by a general malaise.  I wonder… have I already titled a post with such a name?  I think of writing a flippant things, all half in jest, and all an inside joke shared by no one but myself… Why is my audience still so small? I thought before, writing here was like being in…

An Impasse

By Anaxagoras | May 12, 2017

I’m caught in some kind of impasse, stuck.  I look down at my hands and seem them wrinkled and aged.  I used to think that it had something to do with the weather.  Getting old is a terrible thing, and perhaps not entirely necessary. I’ve been committed to something – more or less it seems.…

One of Those Days

By Anaxagoras | May 11, 2017

I can’t really say where this day went.  It’s almost as if I spent most of the day just passing time and keeping busy.  It’s the kind of feeling that turns my stomach and makes me a little anxious.  I can’t say what I did or how I moved forward today.  It makes me a…